Thursday, December 21, 2006

Coming Home

It's always weird for me to come home, but I love it. I guess Carroll County is my home, but Philly is my Home home now. Driving south across the 76 bridge out of Philly and seeing my city lit up at night in my rear-view mirror brought such joy to my heart. Coming home always gives me time for reflection, and not just because I mainly come home for the holidays. I like to walk around in my backyard and in the field behind my house and it reminds me of all the sports, sledding and imaginative activities that took place and shaped me. It's not as big as it was when i was little. In a lot of ways i hate growing up b/c i can't just be a kid anymore and it reminds me of things that i wish were different about how i was as a kid, but it still is so weird to me to realize I'm an adult now and now is the time to be the person I have talked about becoming since high school and college.

It makes me realize all the things that i used to take for granted and now that I have to pay for my stuff I realize just how much stuff i had growing up. When I open my parents fridge and see a whole bunch of food and fancy cheese and stuff, i immediately start thinking about my food budget and how much it would cost at Aldi's. I don't usually do much stuff at my parent's house. It's usually just a sleep in and do nothing time for me, which probably gives my family a bad impression, but it's kinda nice to have a break from my doorbell ringing every half hour and me having to be "on" or take someone somewhere, do something constructive with kids or deal with some crisis. It's nice to have a break, but I enjoy the constant stream of interaction I experience in my neighborhood.

I just watched Apollo 13 and that always makes me wish so badly that I could have been an engineer for NASA in the 70's. When they dump the box on the table and have a limited amount of stuff to create a workable CO2 filter that makes me so energized. It reminds me of that whole engineering part of me that is so real, but yet I'm seemingly ignoring right now. I hope I can figure out some way to realize that part of me in the context of Philly and community development. Watching An Inconvenient Truth the other day made me realize just how important artistic ingenuity will be in conserving energy and creating new solutions to old problems. Hopefully i can use my love for science and creating things to contribute to those issues.

I'm excited to be home for Christmas and spend time with my family, but I am so excited to go back home to Philly and get started on the work that I have been created to pursue!!!!!!!! My friends tell me i'm crazy to be excited about starting a job and excited about not being able to sleep in and stay up as late as I want, but i want that now. I think that my job will allow me to contribute to the coming and present kingdom of God, specifically in my neighborhoood and that excites me to the point of bursting!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Patience

I just posted a long incomplete blog from a month ago, i haven't felt much like writing and I haven't had consistent access to a computer, which for a blabbermouth like me doesn't bode well for much writing. The past month has been more waiting than I could have imagined. My health is still not completely normal and I still have not started my new dream job. Yay for waiting on the state to return my child abuse clearance form which is absolutely required before I start my job where I'm not directly working with children daily, while I'm fully able to work at the Salvation Army w/ a million kids while the paperwork is in processing. 

Anyhow, i digress, i just want to be normal, for me at least. In two days I will be two dozen years old and I have a car, a cell phone and a good job, it all feels so weird. Waiting for the form sucks, but at least it gives me a chance to help with the Salvation Army's toy give-away and Christmas ministries. 

Today the Learning Zone was closed, so i really had nothing to do in the evening, but I ran into Maliq at the sal and told him to come to my house so we could do our tutoring there. I stopped by his house to check with someone and his older brother Jason came over too. I supervised as he made taco salad for us while we worked on Maliq's math. It's crazy, his older brother is crazy smart and goes to a charter school and plans to go to college while Maliq is struggling big time w/ his school and his behavior. I love spending time w/ both of them. Maliq ate a giant bullion cube much to my amazement.

We shared Hi/Lo's and i shared about my frustration w/ my child abuse clearance and the criminal background check and when they asked me questions I showed them pictures from last year when I was arrested for protesting the budget cuts to pertinent social programs and the concurrent tax cuts to high brackets. They laughed so hard when they saw the picture of me smiling as the cops put cuffs on me. 

I really enjoy the fact that this is normal to me. That it's normal to have Tyree come over and watch America's Next Top Model after we go to Bible Study. I'm not ashamed of watching and I can claim that it's part of being in a mentoring role, i was hoping Anchal would have gone farther. Saturday Percy went w/ me to center city and took him to the Reading Terminal Market for the first time, as i did some christmas shopping at one of my favorite spots in the city, so full of character, tradition and so many different people, sights and smells. We had coffee samples as we walked around Rittenhouse Square and I explained to him about fair trade as we shopped around Ten Thousand Villages. I love that I can do stuff like that with young boys who don't have fathers or real father figures. I am truly humbled to have the opportunity to share in their development. We truly are ordinary radicals blessed to be part of God's coming and present kingdom.

One thing I'm learning to appreciate more and more is the strong values and growth that develops out of the physical structure of the city. All the common space, interactions with the stranger, perspective, art and beauty, confrontation with the margins of society; it is the perfect opportunity to be challenged and inspired in our understanding of community which is extremely fundamental to love. I read a fantastic book about this and I will share more later, peace and much love to ya

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Kiara and the Bee

I've been meaning to watch Akilah and the Bee for some time now, and I finally had the opportunity to watch. Tonight kicked off a cool new program where the kids stay Friday night's to watch a movie in the chapel at the Salvation Army. Watching the movie in their company was almost too emotional for me to handle. They were Akilah. Everyone stood, clapped and cheered every time she spelled a word right in the finals, David even did cartwheels and handstands each time. I heard them talking about how, "We won!" when Akilah secured a share of the title. Daroff and Sulsburger could as easily be Crenshaw Middle School. Many family situations, social interactions, fears and insecurities were practically identical to so many of the kids in my neighborhood that I love and worry about every day.

A few weeks ago, I was helping Kiara on her second grade challenge spelling words and she was having some problems with "Pennsylvania" and "Philadelphia." She was working on spelling out Pa. and said, "Hold up, I'm going to be like Akilah," and she proceeded to pretend to jump rope as she spelled out our state without flaw. Today when we watched the movie, she left her seat to come find me and said that she was going to sit next to me for the movie. Several times I teared up and wasn't fully successful at hiding it, as she kept asking me why I was crying. Lawrence Fishburne's character chose to stay in his neighborhood despite being a professor at UCLA and after some hesitation, the two team up to focus on the Scripps Spelling Bee. Kiara leaned on my shoulder and asked me if I would be her coach and I practically melted.  

Sitting there watching the movie reminded me of my interview last week. Upon sitting down, the Chair of the Community Development Corporation read a section of my resume to me where I described the places Mission Year participants live as, "neglected urban neighborhoods" and asks me, "Are you saying the neighborhood where I grew up and live in is neglected, and you want me to hire you for a job?" I pretty much froze as three black women were staring at this young white male, I didn't have an eloquent answer and stammered for a bit until I started talking about education.

I started talking about Maliq, who lives in the projects by my house and attends 6th grade at the public school across from my house and maybe reads on a second grade level and is on a third grade math level. A month or two ago, I started tutoring him individually after the hour of homework help and general tutoring. I help him during that hour too to work on his homework. During the homework hour, I spend a lot of time helping Kiara, who really doesn't need much help, but likes to hang around me. She's the tiniest second grader I've ever seen, and also the cutest little girl ever. She has huge shiny bright brown eyes, the cutest braids, and more fire per pound than anyone I've ever met. She attends a charter school and reads at a sixth grade level. Both of them know that she reads better than he does. It worries me terribly how that will affect both of them, particularly Maliq. He is missing so many fundamental building blocks that he has been left behind by all his teachers. My job is to fill in the holes for him that no one else has the luxury of focusing on.  

Kiara is so smart, but enjoys asking me for help on her homework even when she doesn't need it at all. Every day, I try to let her know how smart she is and it is so rewarding to see kids decrease the amount of help they seek out because they recognize their strengths and how they really don't need me for everything.

I take tremendous joy when I watch my kids play Halo like me, the way they use grenades, rocket technique, the dance of the shotguns, and especially hearing them coach and share techniques with others. I see my influence when I watch them play and as much joy as I take from that, which is sadly very high, nothing is more exciting than seeing my m  ath processes reflected in the way Maliq approaches long division or fractions. He has a long way to go, but I see a slow development in the kind of confidence which he's never really known. His dad doesn't live with him, but recently started coming in to check on him. His dad means well, but usually ends up just lecturing him about how far behind in school he is. I worry about him so much, especially now that I won't be able to help him every day.

The head of the CDC grew up in the neighborhood, went to Villanova Law school and stayed in the neighborhood and has encouraged friends and colleagues to commit to the area. I really respect that, and get excited. It's going to take successful people staying and also outside people moving into the city to truly revive disempowered neighborhoods. When Akilah finds out that her coach lives in the area, she responds by saying that she thought he was someone important, obviously implying that if he were, he wouldn't live there. That is so painful to hear and something I believe is so important to combat. As Tupac reminded us, "It's sad that Brenda doesn't know that just cuz you're in the ghetto doesn't mean you can't grow." This is a reminder that I seek to lovingly instill in both Maliq and Kiara daily.

When I was walking home from the job, the only thing that I could really think about was the comment about living in a neglected neighborhood and how I didn't respond very clearly to that question. My neighborhood is neglected; it is a marginalized part of society, practically forgotten about by our government, education system, healthcare system, and sadly to a certain extent, our churches too.  That doesn't mean it's not beautiful, my neighbor's are some of the most beautiful people I have ever met, and I hope and dream big things for them, but I continually am reminded of how tough the road to success truly is for the kids that go to school in my neighborhood and grow up in the projects.

Akilah's coach doesn't just teach her spelling words, but speaks into her life, empowering her to begin to be the person she was created to be. He shares the Nelson Mandela quote about our biggest fear being excellence where he goes on to say:

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in every one of us.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

Just thinking about the movie, maliq and Kiara made me realize that this is the gospel of Jesus and is the reason why I choose to live in Haddington. I too need to allow the manifest glory of God to grow in me and let my light shine, and that glory shines bright in my eyes when i look at kiara and maliq.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Looking to Move some Cake

'm looking to move some cake...there's a tower of Pillsbury Halloween Cake mixes on my dining room table with some Halloween icing turrets surrounding it. I've been trying to figure out what to do with it all ever since i got home from shopping on Saturday. I mean really, how often are you going to find real cake mixes and icing on sale for 10 cents a piece? So i have 17 cake boxes and 9 icing containers on my table (i've already used one of each). I'm not exactly sure what that says about me.

I took Buddha (5), Percy (13), and Country(17) to Aldi's with me cruising around in Miss Linda's van. Buddha's birthday was last weekend and he started throwing a monster temper tantrum when I wouldn't buy him a toy. We tried to calm him down, but he was not to be moved, so Country put him over his shoulder and took him out to the van. Pretty much everyone in the store stopped to focus on the tantrum. It was actually convenient for a change to be white b/c i could just pretend that i didn't know any of them. He calmed down and I returned for the cake mixes. I drew several people's attention to the heavily discounted cart of cake and there was a mad swoop for as much cake and icing as people could grab and we shared a common excitement as we waited in the really long line.

Kinda funny b/c all this happened right before I went to help the Mission Year group with their poverty simulation dinner before they spent the evening sleeping out on the streets. It's definitely important to be continually reminded of the overwhelming world facts about food and resource distribution, because they so easily become distant and impersonal after hearing them so many times. I thought about last year and how much time I spent w/ homeless friends and how I have gotten away from that and really need to get back to that. I started thinking that I could make a ton of cake and take it to center city and just hang out and eat cake with homeless friends, but then I realized that a lot of homeless people are diabetic and eating really really sweet cake besides not being nutritious is incredibly harmful for many folks.

What good could i do with all this cake? I'm thinking that I'll just give it to the Sal or throw a party for myself there when I finally get a self-sustaining job and invite as many kids and families as possible, but i'm definitely opened to ideas about what I can do with 17 boxes of halloween sprinkle cake. Give me your thoughts.