Friday, July 31, 2009

Save the Elephants?


The thought of going to the lush mountains in Northern Thailand to ride elephants was so enchanting and exciting to me. We got there and the elephant camp rises above a winding stream meandering through trees and bamboo plots. I saw several elephants bathing in the water, but shortly thereafter noticed the chains around their feet and neck's. We walked up to them and they reached up to the bridge to put straw hats on our heads to welcome us, shaking our hands with their dextrous trunks. They voluntarily acclimated us to their imposing, yet gentile presence with which we would interact throughout the day. It was amazing, they are so massive, yet graceful and weak. The first thing I noticed were there eyes, and I focused on them the rest of the day. They looked so tired and sad to me. Maybe all elephant eyes do, I don't know. I suppose I spent the day trying to judge the camp and whether or not they cared for elephants or exploited them. Maybe there is a very fine line between the two and I certainly am no expert to do this, but questions need to be asked to ensure their protection, right? I looked at their website after the fact and got a completely different feel for the gentle giants looking at the website than the atmosphere at the park. The two didn't match up to me, you know? I truly believe they desire to conserve and protect elephants, but it felt too much like a prison and was too contrived to me. People are often the same way, the website version of our lives would be flashy and so inspiring, but yet in reality and in our hearts, the actual version fails to capture the spirit we long for. Its important to recognize that we are human and fall short of who we want to be and that in surrendering to our expectations we can be made whole and complete in Jesus. I see that as I wander around beautiful yet Buddhismally lost Thailand. Maybe I think too much, but I think God's given me a cool mind and speaks to me always about his love for me and my need to rest in it. I love that and i need it, thanks Papa. I will write about the elephants later, i was able to appreciate them and enjoyed the mountains of Thailand, but the chains they wore and the sad look in their eyes made me wonder if this was such a good idea. I did love getting hugged by three elephants and it tickled almost as much as the Thai foot massage! I proudly sported my yellow football jersey which has several elephants on it and I think they were partial to me ;c)

Ticklish Feet

Chiang Mai night markets were fun. I love markets, they are one of my favorite parts of visiting countries because they reveal so much about culture. It's funny because i hate most U.S. markets (which we don't really have any more thanks to WalMart, Target and big box stores). The Thai night markets have way more stuff than you could buy at any supercenter. Spices, fruits, handcrafts, games, music, movies, massages, chopsticks, lamps, clothing, and so much more. Lots of colors, smells and lights. Such a wonderful place.

Our second night we stopped and got foot massages. I should have known that it wasn't the best idea because my feet are by far the most ticklish part of my body, but after the initial squirming and giggles, my body relaxed and I really enjoyed it and was able to relax greatly for an hour, all for $3.50. I picked up some wonderful spices, paper lamps, tapestry wall hangings, chopsticks, football jerseys, and more. Ajun (Pastor) Weena is so much fun to be with and her son's name is Pete also, so I was in good graces. She loves to shop and bargain and saved me lots and lots of money. I had such a good time and ended the day with fresh fruit shakes and mango sticky rice. Thailand is definitely a country of elephants, mangoes, great people, amazing food and so much more!

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Mango Trees


I decided against the 12 hour Harry Potter Movie Marathon and did some reading on the plane today. I love people, especially little kids and older people. The kids dancing around on my flights brought me great joy and amusement. Dostoevsky said that, "The soul is healed by being with children and I agree." I finally read the Shack and it was a great complement to Jack Johnson's, "The Mango Tree" album. I usually don't like to read and listen to music, but there was a toddler in front of me that was crying most of the flight and kept putting his fingers in his ears b/c they must have been really hurting him. I felt bad, I've been there, thankfully my Friday routine of laying on my office floor putting ear drops in my pained ears paid off and I was pain free for all my flights, praise God. I love the idea of recognizing the different aspects of the trinity and how our relationship looks different with each person. I love how the book portrays the unity in joy and pain of the Godhead. It calls me to be like a child and get rid of the religious norms that I hold onto that prevent me from truly knowing God. I want to write more about the book b/c I feel that I can identify with some of the frustrations and pain that Mack has and how it limits his relationship with God. At times it was harmonious how the lyrics from The Mango Tree went with portions of the book, God's pretty cool like that. I'm just a kid and I'm still learning. Who knew Jack Johnson was so spiritul?

Sometimes it’s hard to ease my mind to realize,
you’re always with me waiting, willing
to hear my, thoughts my hopes,
my dreams, my every need

I pray for wisdom and overstanding

What’s meant to be will always be though I controll my destiny,
Free will you gave me even though you made me.
Be careful of the things you do it eventually comes back to you,
universal law, Babylon shall fall.

I pray for peace in times of war

Thursday, July 23, 2009

So Come

Work has really been overwhelming lately and I've grown weary of dealing with the headaches that I've had to deal with in recent years. I read Psalms and the words of Christ and there is a beautiful relationship between pain/suffering and healing/wholeness because it forces us to lay down the things we cling to and trust in. Paul wrote that Christ's strength is perfected in our weakness. Our sensitivity to God's grace is heightened when we are undeniably weak in our flesh. I believe this with all of my heart, but that doesn't make it easy. There is a tendency to romanticize weakness or poverty because of the special place that it holds in God's heart. It is beautiful to see that this is built into his heart of love and is an extension of his demand for justice, but that doesn't make a place of weakness and poverty an easy place to be. It is tiring, messy and difficult to dwell there. It is death to our personal desires and interests, and I don't want to be there. It is hard, but it is joyful when we can give in to it, because it is necessary for our healing and wholeness. Christ spoke this in convicting fashion when he stated, "For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?" All too often, I make minor concessions and cheapen God's grace by chosing to dwell in my selfishness, self-preservation and laziness which stands in direct defiance of the desire Christ has for my life. As difficult as that is, the alternative is death and the absence of God, there's no middle ground and I don't take things serious enough sometimes. It requires a whole lot, but it is so simple. He just requires that we come, that we search for Him and lay down our lives on behalf of others. Sometimes I'm so wrapped up in excel sheets that I lose sight of that, I miss my chess club kids and gardening in West Philly...I choose life, but it is a daily choice and a hard one, especially when you are tired and stressed out about work. I know God is teaching me that I must rely on Him, but sometimes I feel so distant and removed from His heart. His heart is always for the hurting and he loves for us to pursue him and seek him out. I love Israel's song, So Come, he channels the spirit of Isaiah and and the Psalms in reminding us that God's heart is for those who are marginalized and hurting. Thanks for simple and daily reminders of your beauty, sovereignty and grace.

You have taken the precious from the worthless
And given us beauty for ashes, love for hate
You have chosen the weak things of the world
To shame that which is strong
And the foolish things to shame the wise
You are help to the helpless
Strength to the stranger
And a father to the child thats left alone
You invited the thirsty to come to the water
And those who have no money come and buy

So come

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Swallowed In the Sea


"Swallowed In The Sea"

You cut me down a tree
And brought it back to me
And that's what made me see
Where I was going wrong
You put me on a shelf
And kept me for yourself
I can only blame myself
You can only blame me

And I could write a song
A hundred miles long
Well, that's where I belong
And you belong with me

And I could write it down
Or spread it all around
Get lost and then get found
Or swallowed in the sea

You put me on a line
And hung me out to dry
And darling that's when I
Decided to go to sea

You cut me down to size
And opened up my eyes
Made me realize
What I could not see

And I could write a book
The one they'll say that shook
The world, and then it took
It took it back from me

And I could write it down
Or spread it all around
Get lost and then get found
And you'll come back to me
Not swallowed in the sea

Ooh...

And I could write a song
A hundred miles long
Well, that's where I belong
And you belong with me

The streets you're walking on
A thousand houses long
Well, that's where I belong
And you belong with me

Oh what good is it to live
With nothing left to give
Forget but not forgive
Not loving all you see

Oh the streets you're walking on
A thousand houses long
Well that's where I belong
And you belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea

You belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea
Yeah, you belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

I love this game


Tonight's the MLB All-Star game. I love baseball, and although the game is tainted because of steroids, to me it is still such a pure game. Part of my love for the game is because of my
childhood. Playing baseball, going to baseball games, collecting cards and watching on tv. My dad would order the special summer package, which also included the disney channel so that we could watch Orioles games in the summer. No a/c, but i'd rather have baseball. I've always struggled to feel close to my dad, but he speaks the language of baseball and I know he loved me the way that he would practice in the back yard, shag flies in Mr. Dustins fields, go to the little league fields or wherever. He loves baseball. His parents didn't let him play a whole lot as a kid, and I think he wanted to give us that chance. I was never the best, had some decent strengths, but I loved the game, and I loved to play it the way it was made to be played.

The all-star game was always one of the highlights of the summer for me. I remember being 11 and going to the all-star fan fest in Baltimore. To this day, it is one of my highlights from being a
kid. I think I liked it better than disney world. The all-star game was the only other day besides New Years that my brother and sister and I could stay up past midnight. Watching the all star game was a big to-do. My mom made special snacks and we were allowed to pick out our favorite
foods at the grocery store. The three of us kids would camp out in the family room and have our own sibling sleepover. Tonight as I watch the game, away from my brother and sister, cheering for a different team than I grew up following I'm still the same kid that loves the game that is so simple, pure and elusive. In four days my sister will be married and us kids won't be the same as we were. I remember tearing up my first visit to africa just after Heidi was engaged seeing an "Africa Tree" for the first time after growing up with our "Africa Tree" in our back yard. Things change and change can be good, but there is just something sweet and simple about the way things used to be. Go Phillies and NL!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

La Feria!


Sadly, there are many orphans in this world, both physically and spiritually. Many time, physical orphans embody the shining characteristics of confident sons of the Father. As a son, i have a heart for sons that are fatherless. What beautiful and intelligent children wander the streets of Guatemala. Without much family beyond the fraternity of children in similar circumstance, they are forced to do life together in a way in which God never intended them to live. The city center in Antigua is marked by the young boys with their lunch pales that head off to work seeking out tourists and residents to shine their shoes for a small fee. We had been talking about the kids throughout the day, small boys, older boys and some men all wandering around trying to make some kind of living by shining shoes. What happens to them after they shine the shoes, where do they sleep at night, where will they be in five years? These questions ran through my head as I strolled through the tranquil pastel colonial mecca. We were talking through some hard conversation and were praying at the park when several of the kids scurried up and dove for my shoes interrupting our prayertime. We began talking to the kids about things, their names, family, and soccer. I love how universal soccer is, i love to talk about it with people from all over the world.



As much as I love Guatemala, their soccer team is really dirty. I can't stand Carlos Ruiz, their best player and so I tried to convert them, to no avail to my perspective. At least we could agree on Barca. In the midst of our discussion we started talking about la feria, which was in town. The rides cost only a few quetzales, less than a dollar and I imagine that they don't have many chances to celebrate and to just be kids. Over the past few years, celebrating has become something important, especially to those that have so much stress, so many burdens, pain and not enough resources to just stop and celebrate life and enjoy. Before you knew it, we were off to the fair. Three kids joined us, but by the time we had gotten there, we were eight in number. The kids were so eager and so excited hugging us and grabbing our hands and talking about which rides they wanted to go on. I definitely have Yes Man tendencies and so there wasn't a thought in my mind as we got there and the rides looked to be a bit shady and non-Osha approved. One of the little boys was afraid to ride the ride and so he held our bags and screamed to us as we went past him forwards and backwards around and around. The simplicity of our stripped down spanish conversation as we whirled around at high speeds, our stomachs dropping out and a bit fearful for our safety but feeling so alive and knowing that the kids felt it too. You can't get better than that.

We went to the bumper cars next, which didn't have petals as they just jerry-rigged the wires when you paid your five quetzales. All the signs were in French, and i wondered where this recycled ride had come from and how safe it was. These thoughts were gone as soon as the ride started and the kids eyed us up and started coming for us. Driving is something that always makes kids feel like grown-ups and feel in control and the kids had a blast and I laughed from my gut, that good kind of laugh when life makes sense despite so much uncertainty. We enjoyed a few more rides and returned to the unsafe rueda locura and enjoyed the lights and perspective on the city. To me that view is just as spectacular as the view from the hill of the cross high above the city. We enjoyed some tacos and treats, mine tasted like tacos al jabon, pero todo esta bien. What a great time. We walked back and bought some grapes. I snuck a math question in as I asked Carlos how much change we should receive from the uvas. Two of the kids were fake fighting on the ground and just having a blast. We had a great time with the kids, i love kids, i love the things they teach me about myself, about the parts of myself i need to let die, the parts i need to cultivate and when to just shut up and enjoy things for what they are, where i am. I went back to the U.S. and I can only imagine where those kids are tonight, but they will stay with me. Groggily standing in the elevator heading up to work, I look at my shoes and I smile at the lessons and great times we shared together. Kids shouldn't have to live alone, have to work or hustle to get by, but it was beautiful for me to see the community, the fellowship and the closeness that they share. Someday I'd love to work with the street kids of Guatemala so they don't have to live by themselves. They may be orphans in this world, but they sure know a lot about fellowship and community and have lots to teach people like me.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Love languages

In all my travelings, one country has managed to maintain a stronghold on my heart. There is something that draws me back to Guatemala time and time again. For me it is a place of refuge, freedom and rejuvenation. The scenery is varied and breathtaking, amongst the most beautiful places I have ever been to, but it is so much more than that which speaks to me. Blellca often says to me that I have a corazon tierna, but it is la gente, the pueblo that have the tender hearts that brings me healing and wholeness. Friends that will entertain my crazy plans, receive me on short notice, listen with gentle ears and concerned spirits, drive extended distance just to see me for a few minutes and pour into my heart, teaching me to live, to love and to trust in God alone.

The prodigal son has been my story this year, for many years actually, but I have connected to it in marvelous ways unlike ever before, exploring the idea of sonship versus the vagrant wandering of an orphan who constantly must prove to himself and others that he has worth and belongs. The reckless son who wishes death upon his father, forsaking the security and identity he has at home for the futility and pain of distant lands. For me, many times I have had to wander to distant lands to be drawn back home to my identity in my Abba Father. I relive Adam's original rebellion in the Garden of Eden everytime I run off to seek my validation and my strength anywhere but in the arms of Christ as a beloved Son of my Heavenly Father. Hurt I return to Jesus, confused and spurned by the world, yet subconsciously resolute to pursue the same course of action later on when I think I will be more successful. Jesus, allow me to stop, to rest and recognize that on me, your favor rests.

Tragically, Guatemala is a land of many fatherless children, orphans in the flesh. Civil war, domestic abuse and other crimes have ravaged such a beautiful place, and yet in the ashes, there is a quiet resilience. I sensed it playing soccer in the rain overlooking the high country, where smiles were all I could do to communicate with the children who only spoke quechua. Stepping into what seemed like the pages of a National Geographic tempered by the calls of Isaiah and James to true religion in the form of care for widows and orphans, my heart was permanently changed my first visit to this land.

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