I always laugh hysterically when I see that episode and watch as he begins to act conversely to his instincts only to discover things begin working out magnificently after this adjustment. It ties together wonderfully in a half hour episode. Unfortunately, it doesn't quite pan out in the real world. Although, to take this anecdote to what I assume is an unintended spiritual level, it somewhat represents dying to our flesh nature. We are called to reject our earthly impulses and live counter to our comfort in opposition to fear and doubt. I've found that to be a hard place to walk in, despite repeated efforts and focus.
This weekend I considered George's dilemma on
several occasions as I thought through a multitude of decisions, small and large. Ironically, I suppose the first decision was whether or not to go up to Seinfeld's backyard and visit the Big Apple. I was hoping to take Tyriq and Thaddeus with me, but they both backed out and when I finally rolled out of bed on Saturday morning, I was grumpy not only from sleep deprivation, but from the sounds of rain that carried all the way to my bed. After much deliberation, internet and fatherly research, I made the decision to go for it. Three hours later, after a brief rain storm pincered me in Central Park, the weather cleared up for good and left me a perfect weekend to enjoy New York.Old friends and new ones are beautiful things. I had such a great time exploring the city. I was never too terribly fond of NYC before, but I guess it's finally growing on me. For me being such an urbanite, this was the first time I ever hailed a cab before. True story. I'd never been
to Harlem before, that was cool, very different than Philly. Saw a beautiful night storm come across the Hudson as the sun was setting. Walked along the river by Chinatown as a front was coming in. I love the time right before a storm, it's so peaceful and yet terrifying. Walked a ton. I visited St. Patrick's Cathedral and I love churches and beautiful architecture and I'm very fascinated by Catholicism and learning about the early church and saints. There was a wedding going on and it was in Spanish and the groom's name was Pedro.I enjoyed an arepa from a street fair that was muy sabroso. I read Dyson's new book on Dr. King's death at a quaint coffee shop during the rain and also on the bus. He explores Dr. King's philosophy about his own death, violence and the weight of knowing he would die and how it's affected America 40 years later, incredible book. Hadn't been on a Chinatown bus for a minute and had some amazing white peaches and cherries from a fruit market. Spent a lot of time at Columbus Square and had an awesome view from the top of a building right next to the square. I certainly couldn't buy a house there and I'd be broke if I lived there, but it's definitely unlike any other city in the U.S.
Went to church this morning (not at St. Patrick's) and the message was about fasting, which was pretty cool because I had a conversation about fasting over breakfast this morning. I suppose whenever someone speaks on fasting, I hope for them to speak about Isaiah 58 and the true fasting that God calls us to in seeking justice and breaking chains of inequities and that God doesn't care much for false piety that is hollow and void of justice done in love. Anyhow, that withstanding, something that I really took away is us longing in our fasting, for things to be as they were intended by God. It's a recognition that things aren't right and a hope for the kingdom to attain this. In that way, it connects us to Christ's ministry and to each other. I often approach fasting as me desiring God to fix things in MY life, somewhat implicitly in ways that I desire, and it's really just about ME. I think that maybe fasting is about God and others. It's about His will, period. Not necessarily His will for Pete Gackenbach, but His will, period.
When we fast, it becomes clear that it's not about us, it's about God and His kingdom. We get to be a part of it, but we're not starring in it, anymore than anyone else. I was a bit bummed because they served communion at the earlier service and I haven't partaken in communion in a while. Communion Sunday is a solid three hours at Greater St. Matthew's, which is brutal, but I love the actual communion portion of those days. I never really thought about it before, but fasting is much like communion. Yes, it's an introspective time, but it calls us to look to Jesus and look to others. We disappear in the sacraments and we disappear when we let go of our earthly reliance.
God's working on me. My heart and my butt have been kicked a bit lately, but I always go back to Psalms and remind myself that my heart and flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. I can't wait to see what's in store, I know I sure would have written the story differently, but there must be a reason I'm living in a basement and He's sitting on the throne of the universe ;c)
At church, we met someone from Germany who has been traveling throughout the east coast before heading back to college. He even hiked for three weeks on the Appalachian Trail by himself, haha and I was proud of running a quarter mile at night in West Philly through a paved path in the woods. I actually handed him my drivers license and asked him how to pronounce my last name. I was somewhat hoping for a deep revelation, but I think he basically said it the same way I've been told all along. He hung out with us for most of the day and we had some neat conversation sitting in Central Park. We also introduced him to Chipotle and he was awestruck. Anyhow...
More to come on the NYC adventures tomorrow. I've got to get to bed. Only two days of work this week, but I have much to get done!
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