Grace in the garden

I wasn't looking forward to tonight. It was going to be hot and community meetings are always somewhat nerve wracking because I never know how many people are going to come. Tonight we had our meeting at the Pearl Street Community Garden. Our meeting was on environmental stewardship in an urban setting. I had arranged a bunch of speakers and agencies with resources to be there. We also had a cook out, which was awesome, despite me being an inept griller. Thanks, Pops. I felt guilty that I left my reusable grocery bags at home when I picked up food for the meeting. Hypocrite. Back to the garden.

It's one of my favorite places in Haddington. Those are some of my kids tired from the heat from our environmental education summer camp (They all signed photo waivers). I used to walk past it everyday on the way to work at the Senior Center. The garden is huge and is set off the road and is right next to a public housing project. The garden has started to take over the projects as well and the gardens and art inside the projects is life-giving. The folks around there take such pride in the garden and area. It's such a shame the city can't take care of the dumpsters. They have a ton of hot peppers which I love and some great purple green beans. Who knew? I'm tempted to eat a nectarine from their fruit trees, even though doctors told me when I was five that I was probably allergic to them. I often steal some spices from their herb garden and one of my hobbies is smelling lemon balm and rubbing lambs ear. It's so soft. I love that the Bible starts in a garden and ends in a city and that here and now there can be such beautiful gardens in the middle of a city.

I've had such a long week that I wasn't real excited about tonight and had no idea how many people would show up. I had to run around all day, grab 50 folding chairs, go shopping for food, and call the Streets Department fifty times because they almost backed out on dropping off our recycling bins for the meeting. I almost had an anxiety attack on top of everything else I'm fighting through.

There were actually people there when I walked up an hour before it was scheduled to start. It made me giggle. I love old people, they aren't constrained by time. I can't wait to be at that point where I'm not tied down by a clock and just live. People started to shuffle in and before you knew it, we had a solid fifty people and almost 70 or 80 stopped by. We gave out 500 Compact Flourescent Light Bulbs and 50 recycling bins. People got a lot of information and were really appreciative. There was a lot of exchange between block captains, neighbors and service providers/ agencies.

Sometimes I worry about my job. It's been a real challenge of late and I feel like no one cares if I don't do a whole lot or if I do a ton. That kind of sounds like a poverty management job and that scares the crap out of me. People that get paid to manage people in poverty and make a living off of poor people without empowering and affecting change really creep me out. There needs to be more accountability with non-profits and city/governmental agencies. I can't tell you how many of my phone calls never get returned. It's easy to happen though. Complacency happens before you know it. I moved to the city and was all about justice, wholeness and the Kingdom of God. I have a hard time seeing Jesus in the distressing disguise of the poor sometimes. I am quick to judge and condemn people because I feel like I'm an authority on black people in my neighborhood and the white trashy folks that hang out sometimes. I know I'm not supposed to judge, but it's so easy to do so, especially when I'm tired and hurting.

Quite often kids or adults confound my notions of normal , especially as they relate to the kingdom of God. I love those moments because they put me in the place I need to be. God said to seek peace and pursue it. Seek the peace and prosperity of the city, for if it prospers, you will prosper. I have a hard time accepting prosperity as a prominent part of God. I'm so afraid that I will treat God like Santa or a negotiator that I won't ask to prosper. I just ask God to use me and keep me faithful to Him, I'm not sure if that's good or bad. I know He wants the best for His children, but there are a lot of faithful Christians living in abject poverty all around the world. How are they supposed to respond to all those things preachers on TV say about God, prosperity and blessings? I don't know, my mind is always wondering and sometimes I wish I were just simple minded. Haha, maybe I'm not as complex as I like to consider myself.

This week has actually been pretty encouraging at work, which I would have never thought at the start of the week. Tonight was the culmination of that. I really thanked God for it and felt so hopeful. I love my neighborhood and I want to give so much for it. I feel somewhat restricted in my work because of my health and today was a real strain for me, but it went so well. I've felt a touch like Job lately, except I wasn't very strong before God started taking things from me. Anyhow, that's another day. I know that in my weakness, He is made strong. I have a hard time resting in that, particularly when it comes to work. I had grand visions about making radical changes, but I'll stick with Mother Teresa and seek to do small things with great love. God's so patient with me and surprises me when I'm not expecting things. I just wanted tonight to be done with, and yet God used it to encourage me so much. I know I have so much to learn and the more I learn the less I know. I'm just moving on and learning my lessons as God teaches me. Who knows where tomorrow will take me, but I'm trying to be ready. Thanks Father